Wussy Mag, Atlanta's award-winning queer culture zine, is a print-only publication. This piece appeared in WUSSY Vol. 4: THE SEX ISSUE in 2017 


The Castle 

Let me tell you about a dream I had once. I don’t believe in messages from God, because I don’t believe in God, but this dream has stayed with me. I was at a Disney World-style theme park. I noticed a pretzel vendor's bad left eye. He was pushing his tinkering cart, with pretzels hanging on hooks, and I noticed his eye was a grey cloud. I felt rude for staring. 

I was in the kiddie park, the one with little rides for small children. I was walking next to a caterpillar ride. The front car had a green clownish caterpillar face with absurd big yellow lips. The little kids were getting off and one of the women smiling and waving turned to the man next to her and said, "Looks like it might rain." 

Then an alarm sounded. At first I thought it was someone’s cell phone. People stopped and looked around. The person working the caterpillar ride blew a whistle and told everyone to get off, that the ride was closed. A red light on the ride started flashing. The alarm got louder. It was ringing on the park sound system. People looked around. Someone shouted, and then we all saw it. It looked like a dark claw reaching down from the clouds behind a roller coaster in the distance, one of the big ones on the other side of the park. I've never seen a tornado in person and it took a minute to realize that's what it was. 

I started running. Someone with a whistle was shouting for everyone to go to the castle. There was a big castle in the middle of the park, like in Disney's Magic Kingdom, and it wasn't far away. A man in front of me grabbed a child out of a stroller and slung her over his shoulder. She was looking at me with a blank expression and her finger in her mouth. Trash and debris starting blowing up, flying through the air. I was running. I've never been so terrified. 

The sound was incredible. Behind me, people were shouting and screaming and I heard things crashing. A candy bar wrapper flew in my face. People ran beside me — a mother with a little girl in her arms, a man in a green windbreaker, several teenage girls. One of them was shouting on her phone. We ran up the steps and I pulled open the heavy wooden door — the kind you expect on a castle, with curled ironwork on the front — and we were in this big entranceway with little shops. The shops were dark and empty, I don't think the castle was open or being used. Behind us, the door pushed opened and more people rushed in. We ran through the shops down a long hall lined with painted pictures of cartoon characters. It opened into an enormous room, like a ballroom, with high painted ceilings and columns. Hundreds of people were huddled against the wall. Children were crying and screaming. The electricity seemed to be out. 

I don't know why I didn't crouch down along the wall with the rest of them. There were no staff, no park personnel, no one in a uniform telling everyone to please be calm. I didn't know if we were safe. A teenage boy leaning against the wall had blood running down the side of his face. I walked into a gift shop. It was dark and eerily quiet, no one was in there. There were candy cases and a wall of stuffed animals. By the cash register there was a white door with a sign, STAFF ONLY. I pushed it open and found a staircase leading down. The stairs were dark but there was a light at the bottom, a silvery blue light. 

I walked down, pushed open the door at the base of the stairs and found a large underground room with a big indoor swimming pool with large potted plants at the corners. The silvery blue light was coming from safety lights along the wall. The air smelled like chlorine and sweat. I looked at the rows of lounge chairs. No one was sitting there. The room was bright enough to see two men disappear into a dark doorway on the far wall. I followed them.

It was a dark locker room. I looked around the corner. It was really dark, but a pinkish glow came from behind a door at the back. I pushed it open and found another set of stairs. They were made of stone, and I thought they might lead down into a cellar or basement or something, which would be the safest place to be in a tornado. At the bottom of the stairs was a heavy black door with a window in it, and through the window I saw a red light bulb. I opened the door and was in a long, dark hallway lined with doors. Everything looked red, the walls, my skin. There was only the one red light bulb hanging near the door I walked through. I The end of the hallway was really dark but I could see a group of people standing there close together.  

Then I heard the groan, a man's groan, from one of the doorways. The doors lining the hallway were all barely cracked. I heard more sounds, a wet slap of skin, and knew the people behind the doors were fucking. It was like a bathhouse. From one end of the hall, I heard someone moaning louder. I walked down the hallway to the people huddled in the dark at the end, they were maybe twenty feet away. They were naked, and all of them looked like men. Their backs were to me, none of them noticed me approach. They were standing around someone in the middle, a man on his knees. None of them were talking. I realized someone was standing behind me. 

He was standing in the corner. I was so dark, I could barely see him, but I knew he was looking at me. He was naked and stroking his cock. He whispered to me, “It gets big." 

Beside him was a leather sex sling swinging on chains from a silver square frame, the kind I've seen before at numerous sex clubs . I turned back around. The men had stopped and were looking at me. I untied my boots, pulled off my clothes, and threw them in a pile. They walked over. I couldn't make out any clear features, but they were all older than me, in their thirties and forties. No one said a word. I climbed into the sling, leaned back, and lifted my legs. One of the men grabbed my right ankle and pulled it through the stirrup, then my left. They were stroking. Someone came up behind me, lifted up my head, and tied a sock roughly around my eyes. It was very tight. 

I knew one of the guys was standing between my legs. I felt his heat. A hand started rubbing my thigh, and someone touched my balls. And then I felt it, and I knew what it was. He slapped his cock on my leg and rubbed it down to my hole. I heard someone spit and then I felt something wet on my hole, and I felt a finger push in. This was actually happening. 

"You want it?" I heard him say. I wanted him to resize my hole. I wanted him to rape me harder than he's ever raped anything. I've never wanted something more in my entire life. I never got to answer, the dream darkened and I woke up. 

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